As I write this piece, my scalp is tingling in response to the chilli oil that covers it (an experiment to promote hair growth that I shall write about, if successful) while my brain and body argue on whether or not to go to the gym for my class scheduled in 6 hours. I decide that the fact that this internal argument is taking place is reason enough to conclude that I am not Beyonce. Instagram, coffee mugs and an Internet meme have repeatedly revealed that Beyonce has the same amount of hours in a day as we do, but I have always questioned this theory. Seriously, how can it be true? How can Beyonce have that delicious muscle tone and release really good albums like flash fire and be a hot mom and a wife that doesn’t interfere when her sister smacks her husband and take up the 22 day Vegan challenge and perform at Obama’s second inauguration and win 17 Grammy awards and smile while exiting the gym, according to a recent picture on www.people.com? Did you ever stop to consider that maybe those memes lie? Maybe Beyonce is actually Henry DeTamble’s (sexy librarian from The Time Traveler’s Wife) second child that Audrey Niffenegger forgot to write about in her novel because her superpower was way too super to fit in those pages, or more realistically Beyonce may have a secret twin in hiding that comes out to play as Beyonce (because who wouldn’t want to be Beyonce!). I bet right now Beyonce is past two minutes in a side plank, somewhere in the skies between Hong Kong and New York, wearing a smile while spurting out lyrics to her new single that will hit us harder than Arnab Goswami’s voice.
What have I been doing with my amount of hours in a day, besides questioning Beyonce’s existence as a human and debating on attending my fitness class, you may ask (I surely am)? Well, I have spent my time deciding on whether it is okay to have 4 cups of coffee a day, read an article about how ‘smizing’ at your back-fat could magically melt the fat away, strained my neck while trying to hold my back-fat-glare, coaxed my dog into a bath, changed my iPhone’s wall paper to an image of Miranda Kerr stretching, deduced from that change my desire to be fit and not skinny, spent a chunk of my time deciding whether I liked Arnab Goswami or not (that man’s pros versus cons list is way too time consuming), ate a bowl of soaked chia seeds with pomegranate, yoghurt and cinnamon while I closed my eyes and imagined Beyonce smiling at me with a soothing sisterly nod of approval, and realized that I spend way too much time thinking of Beyonce while she or her possible twin have no idea that I exist.
I conclude that Beyonce may have a superpower or a twin, but she definitely doesn’t spend her amount of hours in a day deciding on whether she should go workout or not- She just goes!
I close my eyes and imagine Beyonce smiling at me and mouthing, “Go workout”. I open my eyes and tell my imagination, “You are an achiever. Feel free to run wild.”
–Photos via Vogue UK, shot by Inez van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin for H&M’s Summer 2013 campaign.