I dedicate this post to your friend, dear reader, and mine.
Today is my best friend’s birthday.
In a few weeks she’ll be at Yale, working toward finding an effective way to make more humans care about climate change. (Amongst other things)
I’ll miss her. Terribly.
I already do.
I’ve been thinking about her, our relationship and what friendship calls for.
I’ve been trying to figure out why some friendships survive and why some fizzle out.
I decided to put my thoughts to words, in the hope that I’ll find reassurance alongside clarity.
I remember the first time I saw her.
I was looking for empty seats at Claremont McKenna College’s dining hall, and she was by another table talking to a bunch of people.
She was wearing a black tank top with a blue-purple skirt.
It was orientation day. My mother was with me.
That was in August of 2008.
I’ve loved her 7 years.
Like other great friendships, we’ve been through a lot –
Not always together.
I moved schools in 2010, from California’s warmth to Switzerland’s magnificence.
We tried talking often.
We’re both quite lazy.
We didn’t see each other for 3 years.
In my heart, she was still family.
In 2013 we met for drinks. I think…
I was in Bangalore, where she’s from.
She was wearing a leopard-print something.
We spoke and laughed and spoke and listened.
It was easy.
She was still family.
Over the last 2 years:
We’ve danced in Delhi,
Eaten in Bangalore,
And talked in Chennai.
We’ve changed and grown –
Not always together.
She’ll always be family.
What I’ve learnt from the friendships I’ve lost and the friendships I still have, is this…
Holding a friendship to its history:
To what it once was,
To whom you once were,
To where it all began,
Puts too much pressure.
Being ignorant of evolution,
That will tire a friendship.
The expectation will suffocate it.
Time cannot be strangled into unconsciousness.
Account for it.
The comfort that memories brings,
That safe-place where the emotions first brewed,
That time where we were once another self,
That is no standard.
Holding on to that,
Measuring what we have to what we had,
Will stifle us.
Clinging on to what we were,
Craving the original,
That will choke us.
That friendship will be no more.
Care enough –
To grow separately,
Trust enough –
To know that it will continue,
Respect enough –
To hold no judgment,
Love enough –
To dilute ego,
That friendship will sustain.
If you want to know more about what’s inside my mind, and perhaps yours, click here.
Friendship to me